Re-evaluating Males

The evening news paper carried a nasty shock for me. I read the headline and almost spilt half my tea over the new bed sheet. I thought of Mom. She would have been murderous. The headline which almost perpetrated my trip to the world beyond read - "Scientists discover method of generating sperm from bone marrow". As even the dumbest moron could infer, it meant that the male species could one day be rendered obsolete as far as the process of procreation was concerned. The lead scientist, just for the record, was a man. Ironic, isnt it? What kind of fool would do such a thing? Though considered impossible, choking oneself to death would have been easier I thought.

The article went onto ramble about how the experiment was conducted (as always) on rats. Poor things. And that it had been a "partial" success. Partial, because though foetuses were formed, none of them had the wherewithal to survive. All had perished. What followed was a small and seemingly innocuous comment by the scientist regarding how men could be removed from "the process" one day. And this comment had become fodder for a debate which lasted a couple of days and took center stage in the editorials. There were obviously dismayed and flabbergasted men who cried foul, who cribbed and wept about the possibility being an unethical one. And then there were women who surprisingly were joyous, tugging at the rope the other way saying that finally the "Era of Womankind" was about to be ushered in. What this female writer - whom I recognize as a regular contributor to the middle pages - argued was that there would no longer be violence, no more wars, no more gender discrimination and so on and so forth. She was of the opinion that men were useless anyway and hence she couldn’t have cared less for them. But then she didnt corroborate her claim about her perceived uselessness of men. It was a take it or leave it kind of comment. Men are useless. Period. Very clever, I thought.

She envisaged a Utopia where there were women and only women everywhere. She must have even gone to the extent of imagining one or two of our species pitiably chained in glass cases, kept as museum exhibits.

"Ma, whats that?"

"Sweetie, the board here reads - 'A long time ago, there used to exist a sub-class of the human species. They were called "Men". As you can see, they were markedly different from us physically. Even as regards their brain, this species was wired wierdly . Owing to their genetic inferiority, this subclass fell by the wayside on our evolutionary journey till date.'"

"Ewwww..... Isn't, it ugly!!!"

I shuddered at the thought. The cause for their joy seemed to be completely lost on me. After all, I thought, who in their right mind would go to an operation theatre for getting some bone marrow extracted instead of enjoying a romp between the sheets? I thought if the reverse were the case, if the scientist had found out a way of producing eggs from the same killjoy - bone marrow - I would have vehemently decried the venture. After all you have to be fair. But women it seems, arent as kind or thoughtful. They were gleefully flashing "V" signs and firing shots into the sky.

The implications seemed disastrous. Nowhere was a mention that only women would be born if this "path breaking" method was adopted. That raises a question - "What would happen to those unlucky souls born male?" Infanticide would witness a gender change, I thought. A new term would be coined and headlines screaming "Male infanticide on a high!" would be seen across tabloids the world over.

I folded the newspaper. Have to get married fast before those freaks report a success on humans I thought.

- Sooraj